Jul 18, 2011

Justa Shrimp

There are a few things in a person's life where they completely deserve unadulterated bragging rights. I mean rub it in your face, talk about it for a month, never let you forget what they went through bragging rights. 

1. You birth a child from your netherparts. I obviously am uneducated in this matter....but! I totally saw a pregnancy on video in my seventh grade science class and have cried myself to sleep every night since...so...I have a sure knowledge that moms deserve bragging rights.

2. You break your femur in half. I don't know, I just heard that it's the worst pain in the world from Brian Regan. And we all know that Brian Regan speaks the straight up truth, I mean out of the mouth of babes truth (okay if you don't know who Brian Regan is hastily repent and then go listen to him).

3. You were announced dead...only to come back to life a minute later. Yes, I really know someone that this happened to (Oh hey Rix, how you been?).

If you are listed in the above, please go brag to everyone you know about how awesome you are and then go get a stamp on your tough card (I hear if you get 10 stamps you can get a free Domino's pizza... probably.)

The thing is, when you are in conversation with these people, what do you say back when they tell you about this. 

Mr. Laz A. Rus "Oh no big deal...I came back to life after I was dead and stuff."
Da Shrimp "Man I know how that is, once I thought my hamster had died and come back to life, turns out he was just sleeping."

or maybe

Mr Tough "Yeah I just can't describe the pain when you break your femurs in half"
Da Shrimp "I'm sure it's like that time when I stepped on a nail in my backyard, by the way I cried, just so you know."

or just possibly

Mrs. Birthababy "You want to hear about a miracle, I was at deaths door...and then the baby crowned."
Da Shrimp "I love crowns. I got a crown when I played pretty princess with my sisters once."

Conclusion. There is no adequate response to these people. 
But good news. These things don't happen often, so you can usually count on not having to come up with awkward responses.

So imagine my chagrin (are you proud that I might have used that word correctly?? Are ya?) when I get a text from my main girl April that reads.

"So turns out I got bit by a black widow yesterday...all I know is that it was worse than labor."
Bam slam double whammy....worse than labor????

Alright April, bring on the bragging. You deserve it, just don't cringe at my responses. 
I've prepared a few just in case...you know because preparedness is next to godliness (or some weird saying like that).

April "Man can you believe I could have died from that had I not gone to the ER a second sooner."
Da Shrimp "I find it strange that we immediately assume ER is emergency room and not Elmo's Red."

Apriil "Yeah the pain was worse than labor...I didn't think there was anything worse than labor."
Da Shrimp "I know what you mean, I didn't think there was anything worse than that peanut butter jelly song and then Rebecca Black's Friday song got all famous."

So my friends, I'll make a deal with you. You write a comment about something that deserves to be bragged about and I'll write you my bestest most awkwardest response in all the land. Ready...go!

*oh also. There's a few new items in the shop. Go check them out, nothings over $15 in there so......incentive no?


  1. I don't have a bam slam double whammy comment..but you seriously knocked my socks off with laughter! Your post was hysterical! You made my day ;0)

  2. ok....sewing question. i feel bad asking but howww in the world did you ruche your sleeves? i have tried it to do it and it always ends up uneven....any tips?



  3. What size shoes do you wear? I feel like I need some of that cuteness in your shop in my life but I have fetus feet. *sigh*

  4. loving it! you are so beautiful the necklac is pretty cute:)

  5. HUUUA! i felt exactly this!!! it had been a while since i last caught up with my friend&so we met up&chatted&she said she had this crazy rare sleeping disorder&she had a crazy surgery where the survival rate was crazaay low...what the heck to do you say to this:

    my friend: "when the doctor was doing my surgery, i died for like 5 minutes and the doctor pronounced me dead...but the nurse saved my life...i saw my grandma!"

    i could only say wow...what would YOU say?

  6. Oh my gosh Lupita I love this. I think my awkward response would go something like this. " No way, I saw my grandma too. But I was fully conscience... and my grandma's alive. How is your grandma doing up at the pearly gates by the way???"

  7. I can brag! Two years ago I broke my back being thrown from a bull. It hurt, a lot. They thought that I would never walk again and yet here I am walking and running and riding my bicycle and jumping...I think you get the idea :)

  8. oh my gosh Jessie, I have no awkward response for you because my jaw is busy hitting the ground and what not. a) Are you a bull rider? b) If so can we be best friends? c) Did the bull ever apologize?

  9. I have nothing to brag about so no awkward comment needed..lol I will say this I love your dress and want your necklace! :)

  10. My bragging moment is actually about you. I was just doing a quick shop through at Macey's the other day, I am pretty sure I was looking like a scrub since that is pretty par for the course and I was also prepping for the HP movie that night (I went as Winky the house elf, in case you wondered.) I was so excited but nervous since I've only been blog stalking you for a little while. My husband was going to say hi to you for me but we didn't spot you during our speed shopping til we were in the checkout line and you were whisking out the doors looking fab, of course.

  11. I have one!
    My alarm didn't go off to go to the airport, so I went in my pajamas straight out of bed. Drove with my mother's friend for 40 minutes there. Found out they cancelled my flight and didn't notify me. Stayed there for 2 1/2 more hours. Finally got a ride home in a shuttle, with two old men who smelled like soggy lettuce. Got pulled over and a $200 ticket later that day. Had to wake up at 3:00 the next morning to catch a shuttle, which drove right by my house and I had to chase. Rode 40 more minutes with an ornery old lady who loved to cuss.
    Finally caught my plane.
    The end.

    (maybe it isn't as bad as being in labor for 72 hours, or accidentally eating a rodent, but hey, it still sucked;))


    p.s. I think I'm going to make this comment a little longer, and say you look exactly like Vanessa from Gossip Girl!

  12. lols... So first of all, the post was hilarious. :)

    My bragging moment was when I was tickling my mom's foot and she accidentally kicked me in the nose (I was leaning over her foot while I was tickling it) and broke it. O_o There was blood gushing everywhere... ya, it was traumatizing. lol

    Also, my boyfriend broke his finger AND had one of his tendons in his hand ripped AT THE SAME TIME in my presence, and he totally acted like he was OK and that it didn't hurt, and he didn't cry... despite the fact that it swelled to about double the size, and he ended up having to get a full-arm cast and not put pressure on it for months... yep. He's my hero. ;)

  13. I claim total bragging rights because I am your friend and even though I usually look like a homeless person next to you and your fab wardrobe, I'm just figure people think I'm either the brains behind your genius ideas OR perhaps a service project that you couldn't pass up. Either way, I'm bragging on your coolness. Which makes me cool. Fo shiz.

  14. great dress darling :)

  15. OK, brag moment for me? I walked 500 miles across northern Spain once. How come all of these other bragging moments have to do with extreme pain and breaking things? OK, I guess I was in pain... but like, "I got a ton of blisters and my knees will never be the same again," pain. Not, "I just squeezed a watermelon through a McDonald's straw," pain. Ew. Too far?

  16. Cool brags. They were fun to read. And you look so cute in your dress.

  17. Pretty dress, gorgeous girl!


  18. Alison: Whaa?? You should've said hi, my favorite thing g (besides nutella dipped strawberries of course) is getting to meet new people. And also Winky...I fully approve. On another note, isn't Macy's just so much better than Smith's (is of the devil).

    Emily: That's a no good really bad day if I've ever heard of one. Now I just can't stop thinking about the smell of soggy lettuce...especially after it's been sitting at the bottom of the vegetable drawer for a month (happening in my fridge as we speak)

  19. Alison Elizabeth: Your boyfriend is a total champ. One time my brother bounced me too high on the trampoline and I cried for days about how he hurt my feelings and wasn't concerned about my well being. Let's just say your man is WAY tougher than I will ever care to be.

    Bethany: 500 miles?? I'd say that must have involved some serious pain. Once I thought about doing a marathon, but I realized just the thought of it exhausted me and well...that was that. Also. I need to contemplate about this watermelon through a straw....I feel like it could be in the bible you know. It is easier for a watermelon to be sucked through a mcdonalds straw than for a rich man to enter heaven. Its in Luke...probably.

  20. Sarah: a) I am no longer a bull rider, after that injury it dawned on me that it was crazy to think I could continue doing so...really, I'm just scared. Although, I still do ride horses and I think i've been thrown off just as many horses as I have been thrown off bulls, if not more. b) could we still be best friends? because I need serious help learning how to shop thrifty. and we could go on double dates because my husband and I go to Provo all the time to visit our families. c) the bull did not apologize...I think that may be why I am too scared to get back up and try again.

  21. Bragging Moment:
    When I summered a Study Abroad in London, me and a bunch of friends were invited to a super hot club, VIP section BY Literal Abercrombie And Fitch Male Models.

    Sounds too legit to be true? Think again! The whole night long I just kept asking myself "Who AM I??" :) It was great :)